Sunday, March 8, 2009
I see the light
For those who may not know (I am sure everyone does) I majored in Psychology and have a Masters Degree in Educational Psychology. I say everyone knows that about me because I have a knack of finding a way to squeeze that in. This may seem hauty to some, but if you know where I am coming from you might understand. If any of us know where others are coming from we do understand more. I come from a poor family. My mother had 4 kids on her own and went to college at 28 and finally graduated in her 30's with her teaching degree. I got pregnant with my daughter when I was 16. So this would seem to be the same road I was headed down. People in my small town predicted I might even be the manager at Sonic one day. I had so much to prove to the whole world. I had two kids by the time I was 19. My mom didn't even have her 1st until 21, so I was on a roll. Given my traumatic, abusive, neglectful, loveless childhood, I was naturally drawn to Psychology. When it comes to the fact that I graduated College at 22, my mother said to me how it was hard to be proud for me, because it sends the wrong message to my little sisters (you can get pregnant at 16 and still do something with your life). The statistics remain-2/3 of pregnants teens are on welfare for at least a decade. Then I went on the get my Master's degree at 24. I never know if all of this was for the wrong reasons, but it was my degree. I tried to counsel people in the world, but I realized that I am way to screwed up to help others. I still have all the baggage that that wonderful childhood left me. Before you say it, I know, it is the past and you have to move on from that. I myself have sat there for hours everyday, client after client, telling them the same thing. Helping them work through all their issues. Sooooo I have heard it all and I am saying it is so much easier to say then do. Now I am a teacher. I love it. I have the oppurtunity to be there for other kids going through the same things I went through. I am in a good place now, serving a purpose for others. I have come to realize that all the horrible things that I have endured help me to help others through the same things. I can look back at every soldier I counseled or ever juvenile delinquent I helped and see that that is so true. Now, I am helping those 4th graders that need someone to be there for them. How ironic, I landed at an elementary school in which a large majority of students have 3 or more siblings. I am so fortunate to be where God wants me doing his work-in the public school. I am thankful to wake up each day knowing I am serving a purpose in this world. I am happy to see the light-it is the best way to move on from all the pain.