The ramblings of JB-the week before the Triathlon

It has been a while since I did a blog--things are always crazy in my mind. Today just seems more like a day to put a blog down in words.

I have been "training for a triathlon". I have always swam, but I started to swim more. Really tried to get to the pool swim between 800-1200 yards twice a week. I bought a road bike. If you know me, I am cheap. I screw up my own hair every time because I won't pay for that (I have but not much) So it's not the best bike in the world and it cost me 206 dollars while others will be riding bikes between 2000-5000 dollars. It looks pretty though and it rides okay.

What I learned about biking-remember when we were kids-we rode our bikes everywhere? We would ride them until the street lamps came on? Now we look at it like its a chore another exercise to loathe, Why? It is still so fun. I rode 8 miles with Brant by my side-he saw it as fun-flying down the hills, being on his bike for so long. I am looking at my cadence and thinking of how many calories it burns. How sad-it was really fun.

Of course running-I hate it because I suck at it and will never be good at it. Why bother doing an event where running follows so much other stuff? AM I CRAZY!!!!!!!

I feel like I have to do it b/c i have put so much money and time into it already, but I feel like I still need so much. I paid my registration fee, just ordered a new tri suit (OMgosh how expensive), I still need toe clips for my pedals, and I will prob. need a hotel b/c it is too far to drive in the morning of and I will be a wreck anyways--I am praying that tri suits fits b/c they don't make tri suits for FAT people because THEY DON'T DO TRIATHLONS. I am seriously crazy. I feel like I want to blink this all a dream.

People say who care how you do, just that you did it. FOR REAL, they don't even believe that as they say that. I don't want my children to watch me walk into the finish line nor do I want them seeing me get last.

Then there's the shoulder that burns inside as if I lit it on fire and swimming is my one saving grace. My way to have an advantage time wise.

What I want most is to BELIEVE in myself. I want to visualize me crossing the finish line and not being last. I want to see that I can do this. I just don't see it or feel it. I keep thinking, ARE YOU CRAZY???

I have trained this week out of fear when I was suppose to be tapering. I am so sore and I need to chill. I keep eating cookies b/c I am soooo stressed out and they make me feel better for 2 minutes. I know I have burned the calories but I don't need that junk.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength..... Phillipians

Nothing is impossible through Christ Jesus my Lord Luke

I need more verses, I need calm, I need faith

Wish my husband could be there or my Mom----But God is with me and Alyssa and Brant will be there too